“You’re always so happy.” That’s what someone said to me the other night. I believe I made some kind of comment, and smiled, but here is what I’d love to tell her:
I haven’t always been “happy.” I’ve done things that hurt people. I’ve made poor choices. I didn’t know what I wanted. Sometimes my outgoing and confident demeanor looked like happiness (and maybe I was happy in that moment) but I was really just confused and lost.
I needed to forgive myself. I needed to care about other people more. I needed to figure out what I wanted and needed in my life. I needed people in my life that would listen to me, stand up to me, and then fight the good fight with me.
I was someone who moved all the time. I moved jobs, moved homes, changed relationships etc. I needed to feel secure in order to start working on myself. Once I felt grounded, secure, and safe in my environment, the real work began.
The question of, “What do I want” became very important. What did I want out of my relationship, out of a career, or out of myself?
My answers surprised me at times because they were very different from the life I’d been living. I wanted security, I wanted faith, and I wanted to build my own career. This was all exciting, but it was also uncomfortable.
The happiness that I show today is genuine. It radiates through me, and it’s contagious. I’ve realized that married life suits me, spirituality grounds me, and living in abundance is freeing.
Do you want to know how I got to this state of happiness?
- I took a hard look at my beliefs
- I let go
- I gave love, and felt gratitude
- I sought out knowledge
- I communicated my needs
- I believed
I had some deep seeded issues around the word “God” that I needed to figure out. I was raised Roman Catholic, and I’m openly gay. I needed to embrace that “God” could mean anything I wanted it to mean. Today I say “God Source Energy” because it gives me a feeling of loving light verses an actual person.
I reached out to people that I had hurt in the past, and then I forgave myself. I needed to let go of that weight and move forward. I also needed to let go of any ties that were unhealthy. I was no longer interested in the casual friendships that were based on fake intent. I began to focus on friendships that were genuine, healthy, and honest. I’ll be honest, I have very few close friends, but this works for me.
I learned that I had a lot of love to give. I was ready to settle down and create a family. I don’t have a traditional life, or a traditional family, and for that I’m grateful. My wife, two dogs, and I live on a sailboat. That kind of adventurous life truly speaks to me. I am grateful everyday for my home, my four legged companions, and my incredible wife.
I was ready to learn more about spirituality and metaphysical teachings. I researched places, tried them out, and found a home. I spent a lot of time learning, and then I chose what I liked out of what I had learned. This became my passion, and my career field.
I needed to be clear about what I wanted. I needed to be clear with myself, and my wife. By communicating my desires to my wife, I learned that she is truly supportive (though she does not always understand), and I confirmed that these were actually my desires. Sometimes we need to say our desires out loud and have them heard by others. Creating a vision board is another beautiful way to display our desires.
After group discussions, seeking published material, and meditating, I now believe that life is ours to mold. I choose to believe that I am on a straight path to success, and that I will be surrounded with abundance, and all that is good. This is not for everyone, but I prefer to live in freedom and happiness. I prefer to focus on the positive side of life, and live with my arms wide open, ready for all the good that is coming my way. And guess what? It works!
I no longer feel like I’m in the dark. I have a mission, a purpose, and a belief. My past brought me to where I am today, and for that I am grateful, but now I choose to live in the light.
Thank you for reading this. I hope it helps you in some way. What is your story?